you wipe a kids boogers on your own clothes…
you wipe your own boogers on your clothes because you have a sleeping baby in your lap and you don’t want to wake them up to go get a Kleenex.
you feed your family and 3 hours later, you realize you forgot to feed yourself.
“doing your hair” means washing it.
when you have to say “one for you, and one for me” every time you eat a meal.
when you have a hidden chocolate stash that your husband isn’t even allowed to touch.
when you can look at the mountain of laundry and legitimately claim to have just done this yesterday.
A handful of baby wipes are an acceptable substitute for a shower.
when your idea of a fancy date is someplace without kids, where you get to wear clean clothes and make-up. the fact that you’re browsing the Christmas section in walmart is irrelevant.
Vomit is not a valid reason to change your shirt.
when you come to the realization that play dates aren’t for kids.
When the word clean takes on a whole new meaning
when you wake up in bed and discover there aren’t any kids in there with you, and you instantly think they’re dead.
when you have a real meal plan with good, home-cooked meals. and then you have the back-up meal plan full of mac and cheese and frozen pizzas, because you know darn well something is going to go wrong on the days that you have the fancy stuff planned.
when you scrape the oatmeal off yesterdays jeans, put them on, and then pat yourself on the back for avoiding more laundry.
When macaroni IS the fancy stuff.
when you’d rather sleep than have relations.
When getting 5 hours of straight sleep actually makes you feel rested.
When you have the desire to take a pic of the room you just cleaned because you know once the kids get up you won’t be able to tell that it was spotless, so you want proof so people will believe you.
You wish you could sleep in until 7am. On weekends.
When you just realized your talking to an adult but sound like a baby.
If you woke up with one boob hang out and baby sleeping with milk drool.
When if it goes silent you know something is wrong.
When your examination of someone else’s poo is a diagnosis for health.
You tell your husband/friend/neighbor to hang on a sec mid-conversation because you have to go ‘potty.’
You put your keys in the refrigerator and can’t find them for a hour
When you look at children that are not yours and think where are their shoes. Or where is their coat.
You look at the toddler that isn’t yours and instantly know the missing shoe is in the minivan outside, ha ha.
You can justify asking when the last time someone pooped. Because their belly hurts.
when someone complains of a stomach ache and you ask when was the last time they went to the bathroom
Oooh when your angry and you go through all your kids names before you get the right one. Like Anthon—-ANDREW!!!
Your purse is more like a duffle bag.
When a complete stranger makes a comment about how they wish they had a straw, and you can pull one out of your purse. True story.
When you are a pro at tuning out obnoxious movies.
When you drop your kids off to school/preschool, or are just driving alone, and you go through at least 3 songs before you realize you’re still listening to kid music.
When you hide noisy toys because toy just can’t listen to it anymore and pretend you don’t know where it is.
when anything coming out of a body doesn’t bother you (blood, snot, excretions…you name it)
When you choose your outfit based on nursing ability and nothing else
when you take the batteries out of noisy toys, convince your kids that they’re broken, and the quietly giggle as you throw them away.
Don’t bother shutting the bathroom door anymore because kids will either burst in anyway, pound on it calling “MOM MOM MOM MOM!!!” or my favorite sticking hands/toys/whatever underneath the door until you come out
When you have asked “did you wash your hands?” And they say yes, and you say “let me smell them” and watch the child retreat to the bathroom to wash their hands.
When you can tell what child is outside your bathroom door by how they are breathing
When your baby starts to spit up you stick your hand out without even thinking to catch it.
You don’t own a single item of clothing that’s ‘dry clean only’.
the “toy” you buy with tax returns is a new vacuum.
when you get excited about having an effective laundry system.
When you finally get to say “because I’m the mom and I said so.”
When going to they gym actually seams appealing just because it’s an hour without someone pulling down your pants or tugging at your bra.
When “don’t make me sell you to the gypsies” becomes a normal part of your conversations.
When you figure out you can use diaper wipes to clean almost everything
Your sleeping position is 100% determined by another person’s comfort.
If you have sleep anxiety because you know as soon as you fall asleep someone else will wake up.